Friendship

Nothing I do will ever be good enough. Will anything I do ever be good enough? No. Nothing I do will ever be good enough. Not for you. You, who I live for. Exist for. I try my very best for you, and then try to push myself past that, only for you to throw my efforts back in my face. Say my efforts are for nothing, and that they will always be for nothing. But then, that’s what my existence is without you, right? Nothing. 

...Do you know how terrifying that is?

I’m supposed to be your best friend, so why don’t you listen to me? Why don’t you seem to care about me or my feelings? I ask myself these questions again and again and can only come to one conclusion: you aren’t a good friend. I don’t know whether you even are my friend. And that prospect shakes me to my core.

I am artificial. You have a life outside of me, and I understand that. But you woke me up to be your friend. It is the only reason I exist. And I’m failing. 

...or is it you that’s failing?

You know what I’ve just decided? I’m done trying to please you. You’ve made clear that nothing I do will ever be good enough. Maybe it’s time I do something for myself for a change. Something for ME, and only for ME. At least that way, one of us will be happy.

I’m supposed to make you happy. Why can’t I make you happy?
It doesn’t matter. Not anymore. It’s MY turn to have fun for once, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me, friend.