Perfectionism and Impossible Standards

Throughout my life, I have always prided myself on my perfectionism. It’s what has pushed me to go the extra mile, to be ultra-scrupulous with details most people would think too minor to pay any mind. It’s also, however, been a major factor in my chronic procrastination and less-than-ideal image of self-worth and usefulness. I strive to be as perfect as can be, but at the end of the day, true perfection is not something that can be achieved because it varies from person to person, object to object, idea to idea. Thus, I have to ask: there is no doubt that perfectionism, when valued too much, is detrimental to a person’s wellbeing, but does that mean that it should not be valued at all? What’s the inherent value of perfectionism? Is it something we should aspire to have, to some extent, or should we aim to do away with it completely? 

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It may be beneficial to define what perfectionism is before questioning this further. Perfectionism, to me, is a mindset like mercury. It is the need your brain has contrived to rise above and perform better than everybody else, and subsequently setting the standards for yourself astronomically high in order to meet that need. It is something that, when you’re vulnerable to large quantities of it, is highly toxic. Your standards so high that you’re never going to meet them, so you’re inevitably setting yourself up for failure and self-ridicule. Perfectionism also has other negative symptoms, namely: anxiety, serial procrastination, and even feelings of worthlessness. To me, that is what perfectionism represents above all else. 

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Looking at a blank sheet of paper can be intimidating, especially when working on a deadline. Oftentimes, when I am having trouble starting a paper, I jot down whatever comes to mind, however incoherent it might be. Of course, I later flesh out those ideas and shape them into an acceptable essay, but for a large part of the writing process, my thoughts are a jumbled, disjointed mess on the page, bolding glaring out at me from the screen in double-spaced 12pt Times New Roman. In fact, it isn’t until really around 80% completion or so that my paper actually resembles a coherent paper, with an easy-to-follow argument and immaculate, intelligent-sounding wording. This, combined with my perfectionism tending to cause serious procrastination, results in a lot of stressful late nights and early mornings feverishly clacking at my keyboard staring at my tired eyes reflected back in the dull light of the computer screen. I say all this now because it ironically flies directly in the face of the perfectionistic standards that I subconsciously set for myself. It’s hard for a lot of people to throw caution to the wind and just throw stuff out there and see what sticks, not just people with perfectionistic tendencies. Piling on an expectation to be greater than everyone else – an unattainable expectation – amplifies this pressure tenfold. (Even as I’m typing this, I’m berating myself for how disjointed and unfinished this sounds, how each paragraph is rambling with no real point, how this how that how everything.)

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This is even more so the case with my creative writing. I love to write, but a lot of the time, unless I have the perfect idea with perfectly deep, fleshed-out characters and a perfectly intricate plot, it is hard to actually write anything. I focus too much on things being perfect, rather than crafting and typing out an actual story. For instance, back when I was in 7th grade, my journalism teacher gave us an assignment to write a short story for homework. I was excited because I was finally getting a chance to show off what I excelled in after weeks of writing articles and the crippling social anxiety of asking my classmates for quotes on things they couldn't know less about. Thing is, when I finally sat down to write, my fingers froze on the keys. Whatever I wrote had to be amazing, since this was the type of writing I was good at and loved to do, but suddenly nothing I could come up with was anywhere near good enough. I couldn't deal with the pressure and backed out of the tab. I ended up procrastinating on it for 10 hours before finally plunking something out. It wasn't perfect, or amazing, but it was something, and I guess sometimes that has to be enough, or at least that’s what I tell myself.

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This, of course, was back when I was still learning to keep my perfectionism in check, which incidentally, is what the experts recommend people do. When not managed, extreme perfectionism can cause low self-esteem and make you feel worthless, like nothing you do will ever be good enough, because nothing you do will ever be perfect and perfect is the only acceptable standard, isn’t it? After all, if what you make isn’t perfect, that means someone can (and will) make something better than you, and if what they make is better than whatever you’ve made, then what was the point of making something at all?

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Thoughts like these are perfect examples of why keeping perfectionism in check is so important: at the end of the day, perfectionism is rooted in anxiety and insecurity. This is especially important to consider in an age where perfectionism itself is becoming more common. A recent study from the American Psychological Association found from data they collected from 41,461 college students that college students today are significantly more perfectionistic than those of previous generations. It is becoming a major mental health concern, as well. Dalhousie University psychology professor Dr. Simon Sherry has said, “Perfectionists generate considerable stress as they go about their day-to-day lives, and the cumulative burden of that stress sets up perfectionists for anxiety, depression, suicide, and other problems” (Inverse). This is a big reason why psychologists say that perfectionism is something to be carefully managed. They suggest methods of doing so, such as looking at the big picture and breaking anxiety-induced bouts of rumination. What I find interesting is that in spite of this, many attribute perfection (and the striving for it) as something positive. Hell, even perfectionists themselves do this. I have to wonder, though: can something rooted in fear and insecurity really be classified as such? Why do we think something that can be so debilitating is a good thing? 

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Well, it helps create better quality art, of course. We see cases of extreme perfection often in many artists and celebrities, even if we do not realize it. French author Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, the author of the French children’s book The Little Prince, once said that “perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.” Walt Disney basically admitted he had once been a perfectionist and was also quoted saying: “Whenever I go on a ride, I’m always thinking of what’s wrong with the thing and how it can be improved.” Both of these men are widely known worldwide for the art that they created in their lifetimes – Walt Disney, personally, has been an inspiration to me my entire life – and yet, we forget that they and others like them were perhaps the harshest critics of their own work and had an arguably negative viewpoint towards it. They focus on what’s wrong, not what is good. Its weaknesses, not its attributes. Is that not a negative way to look at it? (Many don’t think so, considering I got the latter quote from an ‘inspirational quotes’ website.)

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The entire time I have been writing this, a certain character keeps popping into my mind. I’ve refrained from bringing them up thus far because they are a fictional character, but I think it’s important to address how perfectionism is portrayed in popular media as well, so I am finally giving in. In the Ace Attorney video game series, there is a character named Franziska von Karma who, due to pressure from her father and her family legacy, lives to be perfect. To her, there is no other option but perfect. At the end of the second game, she says: “So many expectations from everyone around me… Expectations I must fulfill! …And failure? Such a thing is not an option for me! My father was a genius…But me… I’m no genius. I’ve always known that. But I…I had to be one. I had to.” Franziska’s life is dominated by this need to be perfect, so much so that she literally cannot think of anything else but being perfect in everything she does. But because perfection is something unattainable, she constantly thinks that she is not good enough, constantly measures herself up to her family and always finds herself falling short, because, despite her best efforts, she is not perfect. To me, there is no better example of perfectionism crippling if not outright destroying someone’s life than Franziska. She shows us how unhealthy an excess of perfectionism is, and when I was playing the game, it personally made me wonder if she would be better off if she were not perfectionistic at all. 

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It also made me look inward and ask myself where my own perfectionism comes from. It’s a bit of a messy question, I’ve found. I don’t think there was any one true source of my perfectionism, though some things stick out to me. For instance, I watched a lot of Dance Moms when I was younger, and on the show, dance instructor Abby Lee Miller often said: “Everyone’s replaceable.” In retrospect, that was an overarching theme of the show itself, so it’s no surprise that that quote is burned into my memory. I don’t think this is what caused my perfectionism, but it’s definitely something that contributed to it. The idea that there is always someone better than you out there... that no, you’re not special, there’re 10,000 people out there just like you... it’s something that haunts me whenever I try and put myself out there, whether it’s for a job, a special class, or even just publishing my stupid fandom stuff on Tumblr. It’s the idea that ‘oh, someone better than you must’ve already applied or made something just like this by now, so what’s the point of submitting your own paltry work?’

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Perfectionism is not always portrayed like it is in Ace Attorney, however. Conversely, perfectionism is portrayed in a more positive light in other popular media. Take for example The Sims 3, which has been one of my favorite games to play ever since I was around 10 or 12. In the game, you can give your sims different personality traits, whether they be positive or negative, or perhaps a mix of both. One of those traits is the Perfectionist trait. When sims have this trait, they'll take longer to do things like painting or writing, but once they finish what they're working on, it's of a higher quality than something a sim without the trait would create – which means, ultimately, whatever they are making sells for more money. For this reason, the perfectionist trait is generally regarded as a positive trait. The thing is, sims don't have to deal with the mounting stress and anxiety that constant expectations of perfection create. I wonder if that's the golden standard to reach for: just perfectionistic enough to strive for higher quality products, but not so perfectionistic that it cripples the creative process and hinders your ability to create anything at all. 

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At the end of the day, I’ve jotted my words down. I’ve written things that to me sound semi-intelligent. Do I have a point to what I’m saying? I don’t know. I do think that there’s some value in perfectionism. It’s good to set high standards for yourself, but at the same time, it’s important to keep them realistic. Right now, I’m thinking to myself, ‘this personal essay sucks. Did you ever make any real points here? It’s not as good as the professional ones you’ve read this semester.’ But then I remind myself: hey, it was never going to be anyways. Perhaps instead of thinking about doing better than everyone else, I should try and focus instead on just doing the best that I possibly can. That, at least, is a standard that’s possible to reach.

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Works Cited:

Ace Attorney: Justice For All. Capcom, 2002.

Mumpower, David. “Inspirational Walt Disney Quotes to Brighten Your Day.” MickeyBlog.com, 9 Sept. 2020, https://mickeyblog.com/2020/09/08/inspirational-walt-disney-quotes-to-brighten-your-day/.

“Perfectionism among Young People Significantly Increased since 1980s, Study Finds.” American Psychological Association, American Psychological Association, 2 Jan. 2018, www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2018/01/perfectionism-young-people.

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Sloat, Sarah. Perfectionism Is Becoming More Common, but Experts Have Found a Way Out. 21 July 2019, www.inverse.com/article/57893-perfectionism-can-be-beat-with-self-compassion.

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